Hell Ya!!! I'm back baby!!! :)

So, today has been revolutionary and I wanna share it with the world. I woke up sick as a dog from a little bout of food poisoning. I felt awful physically and have been dealing with emotional shit lately that only made things worse. All in all, the day started off shitty. So, I finally woke my ass up at like noon. Felt like shit, looked like shit and felt totally disconnected from all things happy. I opened up my computer, which was peacefully slumbering near my head. Checked my email and various other pages to see what had happened during my 24 hr disappearance from society (secondary to the illness). There was negativity towards me from one person and then nothing but positive energy from those who love me :) This started the day that would end up being one of the better days I've had lately.

I then embarked upon an afternoon of learning, educating, talking, laughing and embracing... I learned that I have to be strong and stand up for what I believe in no matter what. Not to compromise myself and to allow myself to put out nothing but positive energy and I will, in turn, receive positivity in many ways. I vented about this and that to someone who has been through the same shit and knew how to help me stand tall and feel like the amazing person I am again. I talked about the amazing summer I'm about to have and all the fantastic shows and festivals I will be apart of. I laughed with people I love over the phone or via chat. I laughed harder then I have recently and that always makes me feel great :) I embraced new ideas and began planning my future the way I see it, without anyone tainting my ideas and dreams. I made new connections with people that are awesome in every way and that I am blessed to now know. Things that were once stolen from me were given back to me in the best way possible and by the best people. I also learned that I am lucky to be apart of a beautiful subculture of people that are like one big family here on this earth. Festivals and music hold us together and join so many in experiences they will never forget with people that they love. I am blessed to be apart of this. This lasted for hours and hours... It just kept repeating itself over and over... It was amazing. The positive vibes that were following through me were overwhelmingly beautiful. I cannot stop smiling just thinking about it...

Wow, I blacked out... Did I start rambling and sounding all hippie like?? Haha... j/k... So, as you can see, it was a great day. I'm even still sick, but who cares when I had the day I just had? It was all good in so many ways that are impalpable physically and overwhelming emotionally. Beauty was shown to me in so many ways today that I cannot complain about anything. I am lucky to have the life that I have and so are you. When life gets you down just know that it will get better at some point when you least expect it. Like, when you have food poisoning and you feel cast aside. Then, all of a sudden... BAM! Life brings you back up and you feel better then ever :) Live the life you love man... That's what it's all about ;) And that's all I have to say about that...

PEACE MY FINE FEATHERED FRIENDS~~~~

So Google owns the world I've been noticing...

So... I hope everyone has been noticing that Google is currently more powerful then any other company or government in the world. They have access to all that IS. They are like God on this earth. Through gmail, searching the web, bloging, etc etc... They have access to peoples innermost thoughts, personal emails, what they like, what they hate, what turns them on, their dirty secrets, their favorite things, what they buy... Oh my!!! Do you realize the power? Let me tell you a little story...

So, I was looking to do a litle free writing yesterday and I realized that my computer doesn't have Microsoft office, thus no Word program. I decided that I needed to write pretty bad so I'd just write myself an email. I then ranted on and on about this and that... Life... Blah, blah, blah... And then, I just read my little vent session. I read it, was satisfied, then I noticed all these ads all over the side of the screen. They all were focused on "fixing" my life based on the content of the email. No where in the email are there even trigger words for some of the thoughts I was having. This scared me. The ads were all spot on websites that would "help" my situations.

Now how does a network of info scan my email, pick up on illusive/subjective thoughts, decifer the meaning, then connect me to companies and websites associated? This is nuts! How did this happen? Quick answer... We all have allowed this, quite willingly. But I feel like I was tricked by clever marketing and advertisments to hand over my personal life into Googles hands. I am simply one little spec in Googles far reaching grasp on mankind. The information that this company possesses is unimaginable.

I'll stop now before I've said to much :) After all, they know what I'm writing right now :)

My so called life... In recent at least...

Welly, welly, welly my droogs, here I am again... Mwah, ha, ha...

So here's the deal kids---> Recently I have been on some weird roller coaster that has really awesome loops and twirls and equally awful dips and swerves. One day everything is great and I have no problems... The next day I am doubting everything I've known and hating all existence. Well, I do here now proclaim!!! I will have no more of this!!! I'm cutting dishonesty, hostility, anger or fear out of my mind. I am now free from the grips and chains that have held me down for what felt like an eternity. I was poisoned for so long by the weakness of life that I became absorbed in a downward spiral of bad decisions and negative influences.

But no more will this preclude me from the higher meaning of life and pure happiness... I am standing up again. I am stronger on the other side and free from the petty insecurities of others. I have no need for negativity in my life. I actually won't stand for it. I want to scream from the rooftops, "I AM FREE!!! NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!!! I AM HAPPY AND I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW!!! I LOVE LIFE!!!" I am so over the bullshit and the tears. Life is to short, and I am to awesome, to let some small part if my life blind me from the bigger picture.

Anyone that trys to hold me down will be highly disappointed because they WILL FAIL. I am done comprimising myself for anyone. All I plan on now is smiling, laughing, loving, dancing, singing, experiencing, learning, etc etc... :) It's so exciting to see the world through clear eyes again. My mind is open and ready for anything. I'm ready to start living the life I love!!! PEACE~~~

When life shits on you... Throw it back at the bitch!!!

I am just sick with disappointment, disgust, betrayal, and flat out dishonesty. I don't know about you out there in the world, but I am losing my faith in mankind. All I ever hear on the news is about this murder, that rape, mass genocide, war, oil, kidnapping, fires, etc etc... WTF is the world coming to? Worse thought, what are we in store for in the future? Who wants to have kids in a world that is flat out disgusting and extremely scary?? I would fear for my children's future in a world that is falling apart and oozing with greed, hate, and dehumanization. It's as if no one actually cares for their fellow man anymore. I was watching CNN on Tuesday and saw that this little girl was kidnapped and her body was found 1 week later. It made me so sick to my stomach and actually completely ruined my day. I guess, I just don't get it. I don't understand such hate and disregard for human life. I try to help people whenever I can and make things easier for my loved ones and friends and whoever. The sick people out there scare me so much that it makes you wanna lock up yourself and everyone you love so nothing bad can ever happen to you or them.

Even in my own personal life I feel like I'm losing my grip on the edge of sanity. The ol' saying "When it rains, it pours" couldn't be more true. I have personally had a crisis hit my life for 4/6 days. Each day was a different, upsetting crisis. I'm at the point now where I just feel emotionless secondary to having so many sad/depressing emotions. It's very discouraging when you feel like you invest so much into something and it doesn't quite pan out the way it was supposed to. Then you start re-evaluating yourself and decisions you've made and you drive yourself crazy with this part of the thing they call life... I try and try to be the best I can for everyone around me and myself and when you constantly get shit on you start to get internally angry. This is when you throw the shit back!

I can get angry at the world for what a disgrace it has become... Or I can do my best to make a difference with the little voice and impact I have. I can let life give me a whole effing barrel of lemons and I'm just gonna either make a shit ton of lemonade... Or say eff off, and throw each lemon back and each aspect of life that has led me to that point. I only have so many ol' college tries left in me. I am reaching the point of straight up pissed... maybe even bitter or sour (god damn lemons!).

I am a strong believer in the fact that no one has the right to make you feel like crap. You and yours should be happy all the time and strive for pure bliss. I will still live by this and always will. I'm just saying that sometimes we change secondary to life events. These changes may only be internal and noticed only by you, but they are there none the less. I am dealing and coping with a lot right now and I'm gaining new strength from what I'm going through. But this time some bitterness and sourness are tagging along and maybe this is just part of growing up. Realizing that life ain't so sweet all the time and we just need to accept that bad things are gonna happen and we just need to be prepared for that.

Ready, Set, Prepare!!!

All I can say is Obama Baby!!!

Okay, so you have all heard the news I'm sure... America has elected its first African American Prez. Party time for everyone. This is the best thing to happen to this country in a long time. I am proud to be an American again, and that's a great way to feel. For the past eight years we have been living under THE REIGN OF TERROR. Bush really effed up this country and shame on all who voted for him the second time around. Technically he cheated the first time, so that's excusable, but why the eff would anyone vote for him again??? It boggles this girls mind to think of such things. So yeah, thank you douche bag Bush for proving to all that you truly are an idiot and thanks for ruining the political future of the GOP. Yippee, DEMOCRATIC PARTY REIGNS SUPREME!!!! This is such an amazing time for our country to pull itself away from hate and war and unearth new ideas and policies. I am so excited to see what Obama and his cabinet have in store for us. No doubt they have quite a large task ahead of them, but he's going to rise up and pull this nation together. We will be united and proud again. Hooray for the liberal American!!!

Oh my goodness... Blah, Blah, Blah... AGAIN

Well, they let me and my typing fingers out of our cage again. I've decided that I am a complaint queen. I think that I'm generally happy and joyful, but I always have a lot to say. And, what I'm saying isn't always good and happy. I'm the kinda girl who has a lot on her mind and I wanna share my thoughts and visions with anyone that wants to listen. I don't always make a lotta sense and tend to ramble, but at least I'm gettin' myself out there. Some people cannot even say that they are doing that.

Hmmm... The real thing on my mind is that work is getting outta control. I have a wonderful job and I work with some of the best people in the business, BUT---> When you start to feel like you are being taken advantage of by the higher-ups, you start to not feel so great. I'm pretty easy going and can tend to be passive at times. It's weird for me because I'm pretty strong willed and speak my mind. But, when my boss is angry and telling me to do something, I'd rather just avoid a fight and just do what she says. I may speak my mind when applicable, but I am non-confrentational and like to avoid ruffling feathers. That's not my style.

But what does one do in this situation? I need advise on how to approach my job, boss, and current situation. Help me my blog family, help this young girl in need :)

Well, well, well...

Hey out there... It has seriously been a long time since I've written here. This is kinda like all those journals I own. I get all into it and write like every day for a couple weeks then it all goes to hell and I just stop. It's really a bummer, I love to write and need to do it more... You know, hone my skills and all... La-Di-Da---> Moving forward, I am living in up on my end of the universe. I have now moved on to my own personal conquest in this thing we call life. I live alone, and let me tell ya, it's a good way to live... Kinda :) I'm gonna tell you a story...

I always saw myself as a really dependant person. It's probably no surprise fo those out there who know me (which is the only 4 people who read this). I have learned so much about myself since I've been regaining my independence. I have a lot more energy then I thought I ever had. It's quite empowering. To think that you always need someone around to feel fufilled is a crazy way to be. Now I have a new form of confidence that I've never known. I love it. And plus, my new music revolution has begun. I went to Bonnaroo and saw a ton of wicked great bands that I love. I'm going to the ALL GOOD festival in July and I'm going to see a ton more... then 3-11 and Snoop Dogg (weird I know :))... then Matt Costa and Coldplay... oh geez, then Moe Down... Yikes, it is going to be pure madness and happiness and craziness. I love it. I'm embracing a whole new Rachel that I didn't know existed... Empowered am I. Hear me roar.

I have also learned who is a good friend and who isn't. That sounds so harsh and I truly love everyone in my life, BUT---> When you leave your comfort zone (aka Barre) it's harder to see your regular crowd. I have built stronger relationships with my friends since I moved because I now know who is going to be there when I leave said comfort zone... zone, zone, zone...

I gently float away,
towards a sea of ecstacy.
Slowly floating down,
that endless path ahead of me.

Random poem thought... Hmmm... I work more on that later...

Remember my fine feathers ghouls, Have peace in your heart and love in your soul... And anything is possible... And I mean anything :)

Your truly, without much regret, Rachel Janhunen