Hell Ya!!! I'm back baby!!! :)

So, today has been revolutionary and I wanna share it with the world. I woke up sick as a dog from a little bout of food poisoning. I felt awful physically and have been dealing with emotional shit lately that only made things worse. All in all, the day started off shitty. So, I finally woke my ass up at like noon. Felt like shit, looked like shit and felt totally disconnected from all things happy. I opened up my computer, which was peacefully slumbering near my head. Checked my email and various other pages to see what had happened during my 24 hr disappearance from society (secondary to the illness). There was negativity towards me from one person and then nothing but positive energy from those who love me :) This started the day that would end up being one of the better days I've had lately.

I then embarked upon an afternoon of learning, educating, talking, laughing and embracing... I learned that I have to be strong and stand up for what I believe in no matter what. Not to compromise myself and to allow myself to put out nothing but positive energy and I will, in turn, receive positivity in many ways. I vented about this and that to someone who has been through the same shit and knew how to help me stand tall and feel like the amazing person I am again. I talked about the amazing summer I'm about to have and all the fantastic shows and festivals I will be apart of. I laughed with people I love over the phone or via chat. I laughed harder then I have recently and that always makes me feel great :) I embraced new ideas and began planning my future the way I see it, without anyone tainting my ideas and dreams. I made new connections with people that are awesome in every way and that I am blessed to now know. Things that were once stolen from me were given back to me in the best way possible and by the best people. I also learned that I am lucky to be apart of a beautiful subculture of people that are like one big family here on this earth. Festivals and music hold us together and join so many in experiences they will never forget with people that they love. I am blessed to be apart of this. This lasted for hours and hours... It just kept repeating itself over and over... It was amazing. The positive vibes that were following through me were overwhelmingly beautiful. I cannot stop smiling just thinking about it...

Wow, I blacked out... Did I start rambling and sounding all hippie like?? Haha... j/k... So, as you can see, it was a great day. I'm even still sick, but who cares when I had the day I just had? It was all good in so many ways that are impalpable physically and overwhelming emotionally. Beauty was shown to me in so many ways today that I cannot complain about anything. I am lucky to have the life that I have and so are you. When life gets you down just know that it will get better at some point when you least expect it. Like, when you have food poisoning and you feel cast aside. Then, all of a sudden... BAM! Life brings you back up and you feel better then ever :) Live the life you love man... That's what it's all about ;) And that's all I have to say about that...

PEACE MY FINE FEATHERED FRIENDS~~~~

So Google owns the world I've been noticing...

So... I hope everyone has been noticing that Google is currently more powerful then any other company or government in the world. They have access to all that IS. They are like God on this earth. Through gmail, searching the web, bloging, etc etc... They have access to peoples innermost thoughts, personal emails, what they like, what they hate, what turns them on, their dirty secrets, their favorite things, what they buy... Oh my!!! Do you realize the power? Let me tell you a little story...

So, I was looking to do a litle free writing yesterday and I realized that my computer doesn't have Microsoft office, thus no Word program. I decided that I needed to write pretty bad so I'd just write myself an email. I then ranted on and on about this and that... Life... Blah, blah, blah... And then, I just read my little vent session. I read it, was satisfied, then I noticed all these ads all over the side of the screen. They all were focused on "fixing" my life based on the content of the email. No where in the email are there even trigger words for some of the thoughts I was having. This scared me. The ads were all spot on websites that would "help" my situations.

Now how does a network of info scan my email, pick up on illusive/subjective thoughts, decifer the meaning, then connect me to companies and websites associated? This is nuts! How did this happen? Quick answer... We all have allowed this, quite willingly. But I feel like I was tricked by clever marketing and advertisments to hand over my personal life into Googles hands. I am simply one little spec in Googles far reaching grasp on mankind. The information that this company possesses is unimaginable.

I'll stop now before I've said to much :) After all, they know what I'm writing right now :)

My so called life... In recent at least...

Welly, welly, welly my droogs, here I am again... Mwah, ha, ha...

So here's the deal kids---> Recently I have been on some weird roller coaster that has really awesome loops and twirls and equally awful dips and swerves. One day everything is great and I have no problems... The next day I am doubting everything I've known and hating all existence. Well, I do here now proclaim!!! I will have no more of this!!! I'm cutting dishonesty, hostility, anger or fear out of my mind. I am now free from the grips and chains that have held me down for what felt like an eternity. I was poisoned for so long by the weakness of life that I became absorbed in a downward spiral of bad decisions and negative influences.

But no more will this preclude me from the higher meaning of life and pure happiness... I am standing up again. I am stronger on the other side and free from the petty insecurities of others. I have no need for negativity in my life. I actually won't stand for it. I want to scream from the rooftops, "I AM FREE!!! NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!!! I AM HAPPY AND I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW!!! I LOVE LIFE!!!" I am so over the bullshit and the tears. Life is to short, and I am to awesome, to let some small part if my life blind me from the bigger picture.

Anyone that trys to hold me down will be highly disappointed because they WILL FAIL. I am done comprimising myself for anyone. All I plan on now is smiling, laughing, loving, dancing, singing, experiencing, learning, etc etc... :) It's so exciting to see the world through clear eyes again. My mind is open and ready for anything. I'm ready to start living the life I love!!! PEACE~~~

When life shits on you... Throw it back at the bitch!!!

I am just sick with disappointment, disgust, betrayal, and flat out dishonesty. I don't know about you out there in the world, but I am losing my faith in mankind. All I ever hear on the news is about this murder, that rape, mass genocide, war, oil, kidnapping, fires, etc etc... WTF is the world coming to? Worse thought, what are we in store for in the future? Who wants to have kids in a world that is flat out disgusting and extremely scary?? I would fear for my children's future in a world that is falling apart and oozing with greed, hate, and dehumanization. It's as if no one actually cares for their fellow man anymore. I was watching CNN on Tuesday and saw that this little girl was kidnapped and her body was found 1 week later. It made me so sick to my stomach and actually completely ruined my day. I guess, I just don't get it. I don't understand such hate and disregard for human life. I try to help people whenever I can and make things easier for my loved ones and friends and whoever. The sick people out there scare me so much that it makes you wanna lock up yourself and everyone you love so nothing bad can ever happen to you or them.

Even in my own personal life I feel like I'm losing my grip on the edge of sanity. The ol' saying "When it rains, it pours" couldn't be more true. I have personally had a crisis hit my life for 4/6 days. Each day was a different, upsetting crisis. I'm at the point now where I just feel emotionless secondary to having so many sad/depressing emotions. It's very discouraging when you feel like you invest so much into something and it doesn't quite pan out the way it was supposed to. Then you start re-evaluating yourself and decisions you've made and you drive yourself crazy with this part of the thing they call life... I try and try to be the best I can for everyone around me and myself and when you constantly get shit on you start to get internally angry. This is when you throw the shit back!

I can get angry at the world for what a disgrace it has become... Or I can do my best to make a difference with the little voice and impact I have. I can let life give me a whole effing barrel of lemons and I'm just gonna either make a shit ton of lemonade... Or say eff off, and throw each lemon back and each aspect of life that has led me to that point. I only have so many ol' college tries left in me. I am reaching the point of straight up pissed... maybe even bitter or sour (god damn lemons!).

I am a strong believer in the fact that no one has the right to make you feel like crap. You and yours should be happy all the time and strive for pure bliss. I will still live by this and always will. I'm just saying that sometimes we change secondary to life events. These changes may only be internal and noticed only by you, but they are there none the less. I am dealing and coping with a lot right now and I'm gaining new strength from what I'm going through. But this time some bitterness and sourness are tagging along and maybe this is just part of growing up. Realizing that life ain't so sweet all the time and we just need to accept that bad things are gonna happen and we just need to be prepared for that.

Ready, Set, Prepare!!!